The past couple of days have been rough.  My neighbors had their baby boy on Tuesday and brought him home yesterday.  They're lovely people and I'm glad they have a healthy boy but my happiness for them and my sadness for my own boy are all mixed in together.  I go between bawling and feeling numb.

I miss my Frank so much and I long to hold him again.  I want to kiss his rosy little lips and study his features.  I want to count his tiny toes and fingers and marvel at how beautiful he is.  I want to watch my husband smile down at our baby, chest swelling with pride.  I want our family to be whole and healthy.