Sleepless

While pregnant with Frank, I had an awesome condition called pregnancy rhinitis.  I've had seasonal allergies my whole life but this was different.  No itchy eyes, but buckets of snot in my nose, in my throat, and in my tummy (not helping the morning sickness any).  I started supplying my own tissues at work because the government-subsidized ones just weren't cutting it.

At night the post-nasal drip was my enemy.  I tried everything pregnancy-approved--neti-pot, saline spray, humidifier, sleeping sitting up, everything--but my throat hurt with each swallow and sleep was elusive.  I told myself it was good practice for when Frank arrived and tried to grab sleep when and where I could.

Then on a Monday night in early February I reached my breaking point.  I was so tired and so frustrated.  I got out of bed feeling flushed with my heart racing.  My husband asked what was wrong and I started crying.  I couldn't sleep and I felt funny and I didn't know what to do.  I told him I was scared to go to sleep.  We both thought I was having a panic attack so I rode it out and tried for sleep again.

I still couldn't fall asleep in bed so I went to the recliner.  That didn't work so I tried bed again, this time with more pillows.  I still couldn't sleep.  I tried the couch, putting in a DVD that I know so well, I doze off to it often.  That didn't work.  I was still scared to fall asleep.  Then that feeling returned--heart racing and feeling hot all over without actually having a fever.

I took out my blood-pressure cuff that my doctor had earlier told me to hide from myself fearing that I would worry unnecessarily each time my BP was slightly elevated.   188/108.  I woke my husband up and told him we needed to go to the hospital, then called the on-call physician who agreed with my decision.

That's when everything started unraveling.  That's why even now when I can't fall asleep, I think of Frank and that night and the weeks that followed.