The boy who made me a mom

I'm not going to lie.  Mother's Day was rough.  Frank should still be in me for another week or two but here we are, approaching 3 months since he was stillborn.  My husband and I kept things simple and avoided large gatherings, especially those of the public variety.  We took flowers to my mother-in-law and some to Frank's grave.

Usually when I visit his grave, I kiss my hand and press it to the ground where I think his head lays.  I do this multiple times and I tell my baby how much I love him.  On Mother's Day I knelt and kissed the ground directly.  The grass was cool, tickling my lips and reminding me of the day I got to kiss Frank, the day I became a mother.  I cried but I also smiled because Frank made me a mom and that is the best gift he could give me.

The photos here are from the moments after his birth.  We expected to only feel pain and sorrow that day because we already knew Frank's heart had stopped.  We certainly felt plenty of that but we were surprised to feel immense joy as well.  We were so happy to meet our baby boy.  We loved on him like any new parents would, studying his features and marveling at this beautiful baby that came from us.

Although it was hard to hear "Happy Mother's Day" this year, it would have been harder to not hear it.  To go without acknowledging the little boy who made me a mom would have been to deny the joy his short appearance in our lives brought to us.