Running with Frank

Dear Frank,

I started running for you, monkey, even before you existed.  I joined No Boundaries last spring because your daddy and I wanted to have a healthy pregnancy when the time came.  And it was a healthy pregnancy well into the 2^nd trimester.  Then something went terribly wrong.  

I held you and kissed you and told you goodbye.  I had to stay here and take care of Daddy and Daddy had to take care of me.  We both love you so much.  We can't imagine going through the pain of losing you without one another's support.  You helped us realize that we want to be here for each other for as long as we can and that means developing better habits.  We run for you, monkey, and because of you.  We are making a choice to change our lives because you have already changed us.  See what an amazing boy you are!  

Sometimes we really don't want to run or walk or play tennis or do anything at all but we say "for Frank" and head out the door.  I wear a necklace with your name and birth date.  When I'm out for a run and want to quit, the necklace jingles.  I imagine the jingling is you cheering me on.  "Go Momma, go Momma."  You keep me running when I don't want to go on.  

Sometimes I cry when I run.  You were supposed to do No Boundaries with me this spring.  I was  going to walk because you should have still been in my belly most of the program.  I didn't want to exercise alone in case I went into labor so you were going to be one of the youngest NoBoers ever.  I carry you in my heart now and forever and I run for you, Frank Stephen Reller.  I run because I can't not run.  That sounds funny because I am not a runner but it's true.  

I don't even like running.  But I love spending time with you and when I run, I think of you and the joy you brought me the 26 weeks and 2 days I carried you in my womb.  When I run, I think of the moments we should have shared.  When it's that last interval, I imagine you as a toddler in a jogging stroller saying "faster, Momma, faster."  When I run over a bridge, I think of you as an ornery 5 year old, spitting over the edge and watching your spit go downstream.  When I run through the woods, I think of you and me and Daddy building a fort.    And when I'm walking and Michael Jackson's Don't stop 'til you get enough comes on the iPod, I imagine embarrassing you as a preteen because I just can't help but half dance/half walk to that song.  

I run because it makes me feel like a better mommy.  Thank you for helping me.  I love you, monkey, and always will.

hugs and kisses,

Mommy

(No Boundaries, a 5k training program for beginners, is put on in many areas by Fleet Feet Sports.)

6/3 update--a link to the video that accompanies this letter:
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PTehqKvf2I&feature=share