There were some long months after Frank came silently into the world when all I hoped for were good moments. Moments when I was neither crying nor numb. Moments where I could muster a smile and maybe even laugh.
Now I'm back at work becoming as much of my old self as I will ever become. (I don't really want to be my old self; I want to be better...for Frank.) Now most days are "good enough" if not downright good. I smile and laugh and keep moving through the days.
But there are still moments that grief envelops me when I least expect it. Today I heard a boy yelling across our school playground "Mom!"..."Mom!" He wanted her to see him race another boy. The feeling just took my breath away. Never will I hear my Frank holler for me. Never will I see him run.
Tonight was a night for sobbing.
Frank--I miss you, monkey, and I miss the moments that should have been. love, Mommy
Those moments are always a surprise. Sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I needed that boost today.
DeleteI can not imagine what that feels like but know that you are a strong woman, and allowed to have good and bad days. It makes me happy that you are having more good days and if ever there is a day that you want to go running and cry, I am more than willing to run alongside you. Or just talk too, it doesn't have to always be running:)
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