When we found out his heart had stopped, the one thing I wanted to do for Frank was give him a bath. I don't know why it was important to me, but it was. Because he was so early, his skin was extra delicate. We could only give him a sponge bath and it was actually done by our nurse using little cotton balls and baby shampoo. I held him on my belly as she bathed his tiny body.
Frank's grave marker is in now. I've cleaned it a few times with a damp cloth and each time I think of bathing my baby. It's a sad but beautiful thought. I wish things were different; I wish I was learning to parent an infant. Instead I'm mothering and loving my baby in whatever way I can.
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